if i were to confess - I

no nagging or whining!

perhaps millions of people have lived to date who were unhappy about their lives, their being born, their upbringing...
perhaps, millions of other people ignored their own inner voice and their mission as a human, and they lived as happy as larks.

i, personally, was brought up with a close attention to a long list of do's and dont's.
i was taught to develop the virtue and suppress the vile in me.
i was kept away from the ugly realities of this world, from cruelties, selfishnesses, dishonesties, deceptions... ignorance and shallowness, a long list of vile...
(but my parents were wrong by keeping me pasteurized and detatched, as much as they could.)

my first experience of getting exposed to the outer world ended up bringing up a big problem for me and family... i was strong, though... and my parents' support helped me as well to get over it soon.
but what did we learn? my parents felt more worried and feared.
i kinda learned, however, that perhaps i should give it a second thought before trusting people totally!
but i was still immature and naive.

years passed... i lived with purity and innocence pervaded inside home and cruelty and ugliness spread widely outside, while unconsciously i tried to keep a distance from the harshness and ugliness of the society.

but that was a mistake, too. i thought shielding myself will keep me unharmed, but won't prevent me from progress.
but...
(to be continued)

imagine that, imagine that *

needs to be vented...
re-vented
and then forgotten
with time.

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hey;
i wanted to call this page unforbidden, or even unforgiven,
then i thought of uncensored... but
nelumbo nucifera has lots of characters
that define how i feel now better and might
represent what i'm going to write here wrapped round in an implicit metaphore.

humans, expected to be reasonable and sensible always,
do not strip themselves down to the very core of all their thoughts and intentions...
they want to feel secure...
because others (other humans obviously), though feeling almost the same way, might frame them, jeopardize their status, look down on them, and even cast them out of what they call human society.

yes, that's called human life.
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* "Watching TV" by Roger Waters - Amused to Death Album